Girl From Oz
by KoalasareNOTbears
Summary: A crazy Australian girl who is NOT dropdead beautiful, NOT a supergenius and NOT affliated with fairies in any way is nevertheless determind to give Artemis a run for his money. AU after the Opal Deception.
1. Karate Club

Wow, my first story in many months! okay, the Opal Deceptionnever happens, Artemis is fifteen and doesn't have any memories of the fairies...yet.Hope you like it!

Disclaimer; I only own Lis and her family, all the others are Eoin Colfer's magnificent creations!

Without further ado, chapter one! Enjoy guys!

Chapter One: Karate Class

Fifteen-year-old Artemis Fowl the Second glanced around his boarding school room one last time, checking for forgotten socks, misplaced underwear and his left shoe. Finding all these items, Artemis closed the suitcase with a snap and smiled. The end of term, he was finally getting away from his stupid class mates and the even stupider teachers too.

Little did Artemis suspect, as he waited for Butler to pick him up that a pair of teens, like the ones he so despised, were pulling up to Fowl Manor, one of them was to change his life forever.

At that moment the teenagers in question were having a ferocious argument.

'Just hop out and ask for directions, or a road map!'

'No! I don't think these snooty, rich bums would even know what karate is, let alone know where it's being taught!'

'We are gonna be so late if you don't!'

'Why don't you get out, you're the driver, anyway!'

'Well…you're closer!'

'How old are you? Five!'

'C'mon, sis, just go ask!'

'You're the eldest, you go!'

'Please, I'm begging you.'

'Grrr…. fine, but keep the engine running!'

'Ha! Knowing you, you'll be chatting to them for twenty minutes and teaching them the basics of karate!'

The younger teen rolled her eyes but got out of the car and ran to the front door of Fowl Manor.

As she rang the door bell she glanced up, the place was _huge, _who would live in such a castle?

Butler answered the door in a bad mood, he was already late to pick up Artemis and now some tourist had shown up, asking to take a picture of the house.

'Sixth one this week' he thought, wenching open the door, but before Butler could say a word a torrent of speech hit him almost as bad as Mulch's gas had (not that he remembered that).

'Excuse me, sir but I was wondering if you had a road map you could lend me, me and my brother are new in town and we got lost on the way to karate class, do you know where that is? Or do you have a map or something? Can you help…oh my…' The girl had only just looked up at Butler and Butler can make quite a big first impression on people.

'So you're the giant who lives in this castle.' The girl whispered, half to herself.

Butler spoke for the first time, torn between amusement and offence.

'Actually, miss I don't live here, I am the Fowl's manservant and bodyguard.'

'Oh…well…do the Fowl's have a road map?' This was one girl never distracted from her cause for long.

'I'm sure I can find one somewhere…' Butler was cut off by Angeline Fowl descending down the stairs, 'Butler, who is at the door? Please let them in, it's not polite to leave guests at the door.'

'Of course, Mrs Fowl.' Butler answered, stepping backwards to allow the girl to enter.

'They call you butler! Isn't that a bit mean, they can't even be stuffed to call you by your name!' She whispered angrily to Butler. 'My name _is_ Butler, miss.' He replied.

'Huh?' the girl wrinkled her nose is confusion.

'Good evening, child, what is it you want?' Angeline asked graciously. 'Well, actually I was wondering if you knew where the Karate club was?'

Angeline looked over the somewhat scruffy looking girl. She had very curly, dirty blonde barely reached her shoulders, tanned skin and was wearing a green singlet-top and a pair of old, faded jeans that looked like they hadn't been washed in weeks. She wasn't what you would call beautiful but she had a vivacity around her that _would_ not be ignored. She was also the type of person the Fowls never associated with. Angeline looked into the girl's grey eyes and smiled. 'Butler don't you know where that place is? I thought you taught there briefly a few years ago.'

'I did but I really must go and collect Master Artemis.'

'Oh yes, of course but go and fetch the road map, quickly before you go.' Angeline smiled once more at the girl. 'I'm sorry, but I don't think I caught your name, I'm Angeline Fowl.' She said extending her hand, The girl shook it and replied 'Elise Marshall-Parker but you can call me Lis, just moved two weeks ago from Perth.'

'Oh really, all the way from Australia! Why did you come to Ireland? Family holiday?'

'Actually my mother got posted here, she's a diplomat so we're always moving, I've lived in Africa, China and America and in-between each country Australia, where we originally come from.'

Butler returned with the map just as the car outside started to beep. 'Sorry, that's my brother Steve, so impatient, we'll come by and return the map later, thanks!' and with that Lis flew out the door leaving a dumbfounded Angeline and Butler standing at the doorway.

End of the first chappie, did you like it? Please R&R! constructive criticism welcome! I'm not entirely happy with the first chapter, I wrote it ages ago and decided to continue. It will get better!


	2. Dinner Party

Thanks to my lone reviewer! I'm updating again. See chapter one for the disclaimer.

_Artemis Fowl's Journal. Disk 2. Encrypted. _

_I have been home for half a day and have already hacked into Interpol. Ever since I discovered the mirrored contact lenses I have been trying to find out who the mystery spy is. No joy so far but I am onto something, I think it might be the Parisian secret police. Ever since then I feel I am being watched and there are fuzzy places in my memory where things don't seem to fit. It is also getting harder to escape my parents. I am still ecstatic over the return of my father but he and Mother are keeping a close eye on me. Things aren't improving by Mother's attempts to socialise with neighbours and generally make the Fowl name less black. For this week's effort she invited a mad Australian girl and her family around for dinner on Saturday. It might be amusing though; the girl, _(I forgot her name. Elsie? Eliza?)_ mentioned she had six siblings and I thought Mother night faint. She rallied wonderfully however when the girl said two of them were grown up and lived alone and one more was too young for dinner parties. Nevertheless I fear it will be a trying night._

'What the hell do ya wear to one of these thingys?'

'Search me. I'm just chuckin' on my old jeans.'

'Susie, it's a dinner party, just put on something a bit nice! And Hannah you're not wearing those filthy jeans!'

'Who has dinner parties these days anyway?'

'MUM! IS THIS SHIRT CLEAN?' Steve bellowed putting and end to the conversation Lis, her mother and her two sisters Susie and Hannah had been having.

Half an hour later, running ten minutes later the four children and two parents pulled into the long Fowl Manor driveway.

During the delightful meal prepared by Butler and Juliet George and Anna Marshall-Parker were telling the Fowls about their absent children.

'Our oldest, Jan in her fourth year of Uni, studying to be a vet. Ed, whose turning twenty next month-' George interrupted his wife at this point 'He dropped out of school at sixteen and now has a flourishing career in the prosperous field of male strippers.' Juliet burst into giggles and even Bulter snorted into his soup, the Fowls were quiet however.

'George!' Anna whacked her husband's arm, not entirely in play. 'He's a very successful… night club bouncer.' Anna quickly rushed on, 'And then there's Charlie who's ten and he's at home with the babysitter tonight.'

Angeline smiled weakly; she was beginning to regret inviting Lis and her family over. Her husband and son were not helping things by being rather anti-social. Juliet was saving the day though, chatting amongst the children, if only Arty would join in. Once again she noted her son never had friends over and, from what she had managed to find out from Butler, didn't even speak to his fellow students at school unless he could help it.

'Err, do you children find it hard? All the moving about and such?' Artemis Senior finally said something.

'Well, they handle it very well, I think it's because there are so many of them! They support each other and it's easier to keep in touch with their friends over email and such like these days.'

The rest of the dinner passed more easily with quiet chitchat around the table, the parents talked together, Juliet and Susie were around the same age and hit it off immediately and Steve, only a year younger, seemed quite taken with Juliet and worked his way into the conversation. Hannah kept Butler busy with difficult question about his work and Lis, a bit left out, tried to talk to Artemis.

'So, umm, where do you go to school?'

'Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen.'

'oh…do you like it there?'

'It is perfectly acceptable, the work is ridiculously easy, the teachers are morons and the students are little more than chimpanzees.'

Lis sat in silence for a few seconds. 'Sounds…interesting.'

'No, it's actually very boring for a person of my intellect.'

This time Lis narrowed her eyes. 'Oh yeah? You a genius or something?'

'Of course.'

'Then why haven't raced through med school in two years and opened a …a … brain transplant surgery?' Lis finished rather desperately.

'Artemis just looked at her in distaste. 'I was too busy trying to take over the world.'

Is he joking? I hope so. Oops, I'd better laugh. Lis thought to herself as she burst into laughter. She slapped Artemis's shoulder.

'Heh, that's a good one, can I tell it to my friends?'

Artemis raised his eyebrows, the girl had _touched _him.

'If you desire to.' He sighed.

At the end of the night the Fowls wished the Marshall-Parkers farewell with an open invitation to drop in at any time.

Neither family really wanted that to happen.

Ta-da! Reviewers would be welcome!


	3. UpdateNotice

Hi everyone,

Okay, update, notice, what ever you call it. After a year of laziness I am getting this story into shape, largly due to the guilt trip some lovely reviewers sent me on! I need to get the ending done but it's coming along and I'll be continuing with it very soon! I'm so so sorry for the year long wait!

Thanks!


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